On the third day there was a marriage and it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. The mother of Jesus said onto the Lord, “they have no more wine”. Jesus said onto the the servants, “fill five water-pots with water”, and they did so. When the steward of the feast did taste of the water from the pots it had become wine and he knew not whence it came. But the servants did know though, and applauded loudly in the kitchen. They said onto the Lord, “how the hell did you do that?”. And inquired of Him, “do you do childrens’ parties”? The Lord said, “…No”. But they did press Him, saying, “Go on, give us another one”.
And so He brought forth a carrot and said, “behold this, for it is a carrot”. And all about him knew it was so, for it was orange with a green top. And He did place large red cloth over the carrot and then did remove it and low He held in His hand a white rabbit. All were amazed and said, “this guy is really good. He should turn professional”.
And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy, and they cried onto Him, “maestro, this man is sick of the palsy”. And the Lord said, “if I had to spend my whole on a stretcher, I’d be pretty sick of the palsy too”! And they were filled with joy, crying out, “Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks… thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer”!
Then came a woman onto Him called Mary, who had seen the Lord unbelieved. And Jesus said onto her, “put on the toe-toe… and lie down on this box”. And then took He forth a sword and cleft her in tween. And there was much wailing in the gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said, “ye, ow little”. And He threw open the box and low Mary was whole! And the crowd went absolutely be-nonce.
Jesus and Mary took a big bow, and He said onto her, “for now on, you shall be named Sharon, for it is a good name for an assistand”.
